Monday, March 21, 2011

I eat, therefore I am...

Fat. Obviously. BUT, as with every other time that I have tried to "get back on track", and started doing what I should have been doing the whole time (eating right, exercising, etc.) I have had success. Despite one (or two or five) too many cookies this weekend, I lost 1.8lbs this week!! This is good news a) because I haven't lost any in about a month and b) even though I did much much better this week with tracking and thinking about what I'm eating and such, I wasn't perfect. There were a few days I DIDN'T track, there were many times I ate more than I should and not what I should have. So I definitely have things to work on this week, but overall this past week was a much more in control one than the few before it. Here's the catch, I know that eventually, just doing a little better than last week is going to stop being enough. Eventually I am going to have to full out follow the plan in order to keep seeing results. I'm ok with that though, because the plan is really just a healthy lifestyle.

Last week was a fairly stable week schedule wise. I happen to work two different jobs. One, an office job - very boring, but very predictable and scheduled. I know when I'm going to leave, when I will get home, when I have lunch. I can plan my meals and snacks easier, fit in exercise more often, etc etc. My other job is much more variable. I never really know what time I'm going to have to be there, if I'll have time for snacks or even lunch, no idea when I will get home, therefore no idea if I can make it to the gym or not. This week marks the return of the second job mixed in with the office. This could definitely pose a problem with my progress. I guess I'll have to work that much harder!!

But hey, everybody loves a good challenge!!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Really? AGAIN??

So it has been almost a year since my last post - I apologize for not keeping it up. To be honest, I think I gave up because I was feeling like a failure for not really making any progress. So good news/bad news (I think this probably counts as both) - I am almost the exact same weight as I was at the time of my last post. Why is this bad? Because as I said, I have not made any progress. Why is this good news? Because even though I haven't LOST any weight in the past year, I also haven't GAINED any either. If you've read some of my older posts you will know that this is an accomplishment all on it's own. Basically from puberty until I began my weight loss journey I have been GAINING weight slowly (and not so slowly) over the years, so to have gone an entire year at a relatively stable weight (even if it's not my ideal weight) is pretty great.

So back to this whole blogging thing - I'm going to try and get back into posting regularly because even if I'm not losing weight I'm still trying and it still probably helps. I know what you're thinking, Really? AGAIN? But you haven't posted in a YEAR??? I know, and I'm sorry - all I can say is I'm going to try and do better, both for myself and for anyone else still reading this blog.

This week had some highs and lows. As you may or may not know, I am on weight watchers so I have a daily points target I aim for, plus a weekly points allowance to take from as well. Another part of the program involves "tracking", which is really just keeping a food diary so you know what you're eating and how many points you have left each day. My WW week begins on Tuesdays (this is when I get a fresh batch of weekly points to draw from) and Tuesday was not a great food day. I have come to discover that when it comes to will power I am much better at not eating something AT ALL than with eating just a little bit and stopping. So Tuesday there was a meeting at work and the bosses ordered pizza - even though I had brought a lunch I foolishly decided to indulge in a slice. BAD idea, because one slice turned to 2, turned to 4. B A D!!!! Then I went out after work to do a little shopping and ate a large sub as well as a few Easter chocolates I stupidly got at the drug store. So all in all, Tuesday was a very out of control kind of day!! Definitely a low. Highs: Even with my horrible start to the week I still tracked EVERYTHING I ate, which is huge for me. The rest of the week went better and I even made it to the gym two days in a row. Today was going really well again until I came home to find a delicious Hot & Ready Pizza sitting on the counter for dinner. Here we go again with the whole will power issue. 5 slices later and here I sit confessing my sins to you. BUT I vow not to let this get me off track. In the past, a day like today (or Tuesday) would have ruined my enthusiasm and I would have given up for the rest of the week, promising to get back on track the next week. This time, I promise to get back on track TOMORROW - no more excuses.

On a completely unrelated note, I decided today that as a 30th birthday present to myself (which is in 3 years for any of you wondering) I am going to go on a tour of Italy. Italy has always been my #1 in terms of places I want to visit before I die. I've travelled a fair bit but nothing as far away as that since I was in high school. I've always loved travelling and have wanted to do more but unfortunately I don't have a significant other to travel with and my friends aren't really that reliable when it comes to making travel plans and sticking to it. I decided though that this is not going to stop me from seeing and doing the things I have always wanted to do. I am sick and tired of waiting around for someone else to come along to do things with. If going solo is the only way to see the places I want to see then that's the way I'll do it! So anyway, back to Italy. Why 3 years you ask? Well a) I thought that my 30th b-day is a perfect excuse to take a lavish trip like this, especially if it's going to be on my own. And b) as I was researching today I realized that to see all the places in Italy I want to see (because it may be the only time I get to go) it's going to cost a pretty penny. Since I am also in the midst of saving for a house and a car, I figure 3 years to save up enough cash for the trip of a lifetime should be long enough! So now I have something to look forward to and I'm actually quite excited that I've finally decided to do it. Up until now it has always been a dream of mine - something far off in the realm of possibility with no real beginning in sight. Now it feels more like a goal, something to work towards with a tangible feel to it. It's something that I'm GOING to do now instead of something I WANT to do. It feels good.

So as I said at the beginning of my post, I hope to keep this up with a little more frequency and I hope that there are still a few people out there still willing to read my ramblings!!

Until the next time!

Oh yeah, please feel free to comment on any/all of my posts. I really do love hearing from people - I find it encouraging to know I'm not talking to myself!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

AND let's try this again

I apologize for not posting this sooner - I had kind of a crappy week. Nothing major happened - I just got sick again for about the 20th time this year and have spent the last week blowing my nose and trying to get SOME sleep.

So update from last week - I had a good weigh-in last Monday - down 1.2lbs - which is not as much as I had hoped for but certainly encouraging none the less. Here's the downer - because I have been sick all week I have a feeling that all of that progress is going to be lost this week. I got sick on Tuesday and am only now starting to get back to normal (although I'm still coughing and blowing my nose all the time at least I can breathe and sleep again!). I've mentioned before and I'll say it again - when I am sick, whatever willpower I have mustered up over the preceding weeks/months DISAPPEARS! When I feel like crap, all I want to do is lay in bed. When I do eat, I certainly don't feel like making myself something health (which I know would probably HELP me get better faster). In fact, I don't feel like making much of ANYTHING, which means I turn to the pre-packaged and canned crap in the house or to take-out. And trust me, when I feel sick there is NO WAY I am picking a salad over fries in the drive-through. But hey, at least I RECOGNIZE this about myself - I know it's definitely something that I really need to work on. So anyway, my diet this week has basically been whatever is fast and easy - which tends to be the less healthy choices - and I think it goes without saying that my gym attendance this week was a big fat 0. I have a hard enough time keeping my butt on the treadmill when I actually can breathe through my nose, if I tried to do it with a cold I'd probably pass out! Speaking of which, I'm off to bed - have to get up for work tomorrow morning and then face what is inevitably going to be a disappointing weigh-in tomorrow evening. BUT I have a plan at least - and it's the usual one - get back into tracking and eating what I should (because that seemed to have been working quite well before, imagine that?!) and get back into my gym routine. That's the plan and hopefully I can get rid of the last lingering cold symptoms soon. Wish me luck!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Same ol' Same ol'

Well sadly I don't have a lot to report today - nothing much has really happened since my last post. I made it to the gym today, but I only got about half way through my run interval thing. I just couldn't push myself through the whole thing I was soooo tired! BUT I didn't quit entirely, I just stopped the running intervals and did the speed walking for the rest of the time. AND I walked to and from the gym so that should count for something. I've still managed to do pretty well in the food area too - kept tracking all week and still have some of my weekly 35 to get me through tonight and tomorrow. Weigh-in should be interesting - I have a feeling I might come away slightly disappointed. I definitely think I will have lost weight, but considering how well I've done with food this week and the fact that I made it to the gym 3 times, I FEEL like I should have lost at least 5lbs!! I know that's not going to happen but it would definitely be nice to see a loss of at least 1 lb. We'll see I guess!

Oh yeah, I remember what I was going to talk about now. So yesterday I headed out to the mall for a little shopping - I didn't really NEED anything but I just felt like getting out of the house and doing something so off I went! As with a lot of fat girls, I used to HATE shopping. I found it so depressing going to the mall and knowing that 85% of the stores wouldn't have anything in my size (and of the 15% of stores left, at least half were shoe stores). While I still have a long way to go in my weight loss journey, I have managed to lose around 25lbs so far, which has made shopping a much more enjoyable experience. Like I said, I still have a long way to go and I'm sure once I get down to my goal weight I'm going to develop a seriously bad shopping problem, but at least now I don't leave the mall wanting to kill myself. Here's one thing that I still DO hate about shopping - trying to find tops. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I am large chested - I currently squeeze myself into a 38DD, however I'm sure if I were to get properly fitted for a bra I might actually be a larger size. Even though I am definitely still on the chunky side, I actually have gotten a lot smaller than I used to be (obviously). However, my BOOBS haven't. That makes shopping for tops really frustrating, because while the rest of my top half could probably wear a medium to large (depending on the store), my boobs force me to go to at least an XL, and even that isn't big enough some times. I very rarely am able to buy a blouse that I can actually do up, because I end up with that oh so attractive gap at the bust that shows the world my bra. Oh yeah, and SPEAKING of bras - trying to buy those is really fun too. All the great lingerie stores in the mall that sell all those pretty bras and panties of COURSE don't carry my size - or if they do, it isn't REALLY my size, it's some crazy joke they like to play with us big boobed girls, get us in the change room and then laugh as we try and squeeze ourselves into a B cup they've decided to LABEL as DD.

Anyway, despite my ranting, I actually did have a good time at the mall yesterday. Shopping is becoming more and more fun. It is definitely a good motivator. I can't wait until I've lost enough weight to really enjoy shopping. I think once I reach my goal weight I am going to treat myself to a shopping spree.

That's it for today really - I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

So far, so good!

So first of all, I wanted to thank you guys for your running tips. I've actually made it to the gym 2 nights in a row now and I took a lot of your advice. I have to admit, I'm still a little sore - but I'm pretty sure that it's because of how horribly out of shape I am - and it's NOTHING compared to that first night. Now I have another "fitness" type question for you. For those of you larger chested girls out there (like me) WHERE do you find a good sports bra? It's so frustrating!! I've tried a bunch of different brands and either they are so uncomfortable that I can't stand wearing them longer than 5 minutes, or they aren't any more supportive than my NORMAL bras! Any help here would be greatly appreciated!

Anyway, on to the food! I'm actually quite surprised at how well this week is going. Don't get me wrong, it's (I'm) certainly not perfect, but so far, so good! I was a little concerned after Tuesday's lunch but I'm actually managing to stay pretty well on track! See some of you already know that Mondays is my weigh-in at Weight Watchers, which means that Tuesday is the first day of my "WW" week. Tuesday is the day I start with a fresh 35 weekly points to spend along with my 25 daily points. Well Tuesday I went out for lunch with a co-worker and I had the whole thing planned. I knew where we were going and what I would order before we even got there! THEN my co-worker opened the menu and spotted a picture of the garlic cheese bread. She commented on how good it looked and said that we just HAD to try it, and she was so excited about it I just couldn't say "sorry, I'm not eating that!". PLUS, at first I thought she might just be saying it and not really planning on ordering it. But then when the waitress came over to take our drink order, she actually DID order it - and since it was just the two of us it's not like I could really NOT eat some once it came! My weight watchers leader always says that we are in control over what we put in our mouths no matter what anyone says - it is always OUR choice what we eat, even if we don't think it is. While I completely agree with that (it WAS my choice to eat that garlic bread), there are some situations that just make it extremely difficult to avoid eating something you never would have picked yourself.

While we are on the subject of restaurants, I would just like to say that in this day and age, with all the health crazes going on, I find it extremely disappointing that some chain restaurants still don't think it's necessary to make nutritional information available to the public. Now I'm not talking about the corner diner that's a one of a kind, and I'm not even suggesting that chains put the nutritional info on the menu - but if the menu is available on the company's web site - the nutritional information should too! I mentioned that as soon as I knew where we were going for lunch, I knew what I would order - this is definitely true (I ordered off the 'lighter side' menu), it makes it really difficult to count points for something when you have NO IDEA what the nutritional information is. Even though I did order from the lighter side menu, with a typical restaurant meal anywhere from 500-1500 calories - "lighter" could mean almost ANYTHING. Well I guess that's my little rant for the night.

So other than that rogue lunch I've pretty much stayed within the points I should be. I've also managed to avoid those dreaded cookies! I've gone to Subway the last 2 nights after the gym and while I haven't ordered any cookies I have gotten chips instead. HEAR ME OUT!!!! I've gotten one of those small bags of Baked Lays which only run 3pts a bag (as opposed to 10pts for the two cookies!!) That's a significant difference!! This way I feel like I'm treating myself, but in a much more points friendly manner! It's still really hard for me to say no to those cookies though because I am definitely a sweet person (vs. salty). I like chips and all, but I would MUCH MUCH rather have the cookies!

Anyway, I guess that's it for tonight. Hopefully I can keep this up over the weekend and have a decent weight loss on Monday! We'll see what happens!

Monday, April 12, 2010

So despite my wishing, the completely expected happened tonight at my weigh in - I gained weight. Despite the fact that I DID manage to finally make it to the gym on Sunday it had little effect on the non-stop eating I did the REST of the week. So, for the millionth time I am vowing to get back on track this week! No more cookies! Get my ass to the gym!! STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT! We'll see how it goes.

Speaking of the gym, I was just curious - do those of you who go to the gym regularly have specific machines that you like to use? I do. Here's the deal - the gym that I go to has a women's only section and a co-ed section. While I have no problem using the co-ed section (self-esteem wise), I don't particularly LIKE using it because I find it really loud. With all the machines it is so loud that even with my iPod at full I still can't hear it all that well. Not to mention the fact that the area where the classes are held is in the mezzanine area right above the cardio machines and it has OPEN WINDOWS (i.e. no glass) - so when there is a class going on (which seems to be every time I'm there), the music also blares out of that area and makes it even louder. To make a long story short, I prefer the women's section. Here's the thing though, the women's only side has only 2 elliptical machines and since I have bad knees and hips I prefer the smoothness of the elliptical to the pounding of the treadmill. BUT one of the two machines doesn't work very well so I like to use the other one. Over the past few weeks, whenever I go to the gym there is always this same girl there using MY machine and she always manages to get there RIGHT before me so it's not even like I only need to wait 5 minutes for her to get off of it. Seriously, no matter WHAT day of the week or time of day I go she is there, on MY machine! It's starting to really get on my nerves!

So I go to the gym on Sunday (finally!) and guess what, SHE'S ON MY MACHINE!! I decided to just suck it up and use the treadmill but I didn't want to do my usual 2.8 miles per hour walk speed because it's not really a very good workout. So what did I decide to do?? Interval walking and running!! I swear I must have lost my mind because when I hopped up on that machine I thought it would be a GREAT idea to alternate between walking and running (ok, honestly it was probably a jog) every 2 minutes for half an hour. I swear by the end of it I thought I was going to DIE!!! The worst part? When I woke up this morning I could barely move!! I had NO IDEA that running could cause so much pain!!! I thought that maybe the pounding might mean I would wake up with sore knees or hips or something but when I tried to get out of bed, everything from my waist to my neck was so sore I thought I had been hit by a car! SERIOUSLY!!! How does running make my SHOULDERS hurt? Anyway, I'm thinking of trying it again next time I go - you know, test out that old no pain, no gain theory.

Any of you runners out there please share some tips with me!! What should I be doing? Am I going to kill myself doing this? Stay tuned!

Friday, April 9, 2010


So I thought I would share with you something that I thought of today that's pretty obvious, but still important to realize about myself: I eat when I'm bored - I have noticed that when I am busy I can go a lot longer without eating than when I am not so busy. Unfortunately for me I have somewhat of a boring job which means that for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week I am sitting around with little to do. What happens is that when my mind isn't kept occupied with doing stuff, all I can think about is FOOD! And if there is any food around, it's only a matter of time before I eat it, not because I'm hungry but because I just don't know what else to do. Throughout my weight-loss journey this has been one thing that I have really struggled with. I've always heard the saying that some people eat to live and some people live to eat - well I am absolutely, without question one of those people who lives to eat. I LOVE food - I think about food all the time. Literally, while I am eating breakfast I am thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch. At lunch I'm thinking about what's for dinner, etc. etc. When all you can think about is food, it's really hard not to eat. Even when I know I'm not hungry I think about all the yummy food that's sitting in the fridge/cupboard and trying my hardest not to go eat some of it. So anyway, this is something that I'm really trying to work on but it's definitely a daily struggle (actually, it's more like an HOURLY struggle1).

STILL have not managed to make it to the gym this week - fingers crossed for tomorrow. For whatever reason I just don't seem to be in the mood for it AT ALL!