Sunday, April 25, 2010

AND let's try this again

I apologize for not posting this sooner - I had kind of a crappy week. Nothing major happened - I just got sick again for about the 20th time this year and have spent the last week blowing my nose and trying to get SOME sleep.

So update from last week - I had a good weigh-in last Monday - down 1.2lbs - which is not as much as I had hoped for but certainly encouraging none the less. Here's the downer - because I have been sick all week I have a feeling that all of that progress is going to be lost this week. I got sick on Tuesday and am only now starting to get back to normal (although I'm still coughing and blowing my nose all the time at least I can breathe and sleep again!). I've mentioned before and I'll say it again - when I am sick, whatever willpower I have mustered up over the preceding weeks/months DISAPPEARS! When I feel like crap, all I want to do is lay in bed. When I do eat, I certainly don't feel like making myself something health (which I know would probably HELP me get better faster). In fact, I don't feel like making much of ANYTHING, which means I turn to the pre-packaged and canned crap in the house or to take-out. And trust me, when I feel sick there is NO WAY I am picking a salad over fries in the drive-through. But hey, at least I RECOGNIZE this about myself - I know it's definitely something that I really need to work on. So anyway, my diet this week has basically been whatever is fast and easy - which tends to be the less healthy choices - and I think it goes without saying that my gym attendance this week was a big fat 0. I have a hard enough time keeping my butt on the treadmill when I actually can breathe through my nose, if I tried to do it with a cold I'd probably pass out! Speaking of which, I'm off to bed - have to get up for work tomorrow morning and then face what is inevitably going to be a disappointing weigh-in tomorrow evening. BUT I have a plan at least - and it's the usual one - get back into tracking and eating what I should (because that seemed to have been working quite well before, imagine that?!) and get back into my gym routine. That's the plan and hopefully I can get rid of the last lingering cold symptoms soon. Wish me luck!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Same ol' Same ol'

Well sadly I don't have a lot to report today - nothing much has really happened since my last post. I made it to the gym today, but I only got about half way through my run interval thing. I just couldn't push myself through the whole thing I was soooo tired! BUT I didn't quit entirely, I just stopped the running intervals and did the speed walking for the rest of the time. AND I walked to and from the gym so that should count for something. I've still managed to do pretty well in the food area too - kept tracking all week and still have some of my weekly 35 to get me through tonight and tomorrow. Weigh-in should be interesting - I have a feeling I might come away slightly disappointed. I definitely think I will have lost weight, but considering how well I've done with food this week and the fact that I made it to the gym 3 times, I FEEL like I should have lost at least 5lbs!! I know that's not going to happen but it would definitely be nice to see a loss of at least 1 lb. We'll see I guess!

Oh yeah, I remember what I was going to talk about now. So yesterday I headed out to the mall for a little shopping - I didn't really NEED anything but I just felt like getting out of the house and doing something so off I went! As with a lot of fat girls, I used to HATE shopping. I found it so depressing going to the mall and knowing that 85% of the stores wouldn't have anything in my size (and of the 15% of stores left, at least half were shoe stores). While I still have a long way to go in my weight loss journey, I have managed to lose around 25lbs so far, which has made shopping a much more enjoyable experience. Like I said, I still have a long way to go and I'm sure once I get down to my goal weight I'm going to develop a seriously bad shopping problem, but at least now I don't leave the mall wanting to kill myself. Here's one thing that I still DO hate about shopping - trying to find tops. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I am large chested - I currently squeeze myself into a 38DD, however I'm sure if I were to get properly fitted for a bra I might actually be a larger size. Even though I am definitely still on the chunky side, I actually have gotten a lot smaller than I used to be (obviously). However, my BOOBS haven't. That makes shopping for tops really frustrating, because while the rest of my top half could probably wear a medium to large (depending on the store), my boobs force me to go to at least an XL, and even that isn't big enough some times. I very rarely am able to buy a blouse that I can actually do up, because I end up with that oh so attractive gap at the bust that shows the world my bra. Oh yeah, and SPEAKING of bras - trying to buy those is really fun too. All the great lingerie stores in the mall that sell all those pretty bras and panties of COURSE don't carry my size - or if they do, it isn't REALLY my size, it's some crazy joke they like to play with us big boobed girls, get us in the change room and then laugh as we try and squeeze ourselves into a B cup they've decided to LABEL as DD.

Anyway, despite my ranting, I actually did have a good time at the mall yesterday. Shopping is becoming more and more fun. It is definitely a good motivator. I can't wait until I've lost enough weight to really enjoy shopping. I think once I reach my goal weight I am going to treat myself to a shopping spree.

That's it for today really - I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

So far, so good!

So first of all, I wanted to thank you guys for your running tips. I've actually made it to the gym 2 nights in a row now and I took a lot of your advice. I have to admit, I'm still a little sore - but I'm pretty sure that it's because of how horribly out of shape I am - and it's NOTHING compared to that first night. Now I have another "fitness" type question for you. For those of you larger chested girls out there (like me) WHERE do you find a good sports bra? It's so frustrating!! I've tried a bunch of different brands and either they are so uncomfortable that I can't stand wearing them longer than 5 minutes, or they aren't any more supportive than my NORMAL bras! Any help here would be greatly appreciated!

Anyway, on to the food! I'm actually quite surprised at how well this week is going. Don't get me wrong, it's (I'm) certainly not perfect, but so far, so good! I was a little concerned after Tuesday's lunch but I'm actually managing to stay pretty well on track! See some of you already know that Mondays is my weigh-in at Weight Watchers, which means that Tuesday is the first day of my "WW" week. Tuesday is the day I start with a fresh 35 weekly points to spend along with my 25 daily points. Well Tuesday I went out for lunch with a co-worker and I had the whole thing planned. I knew where we were going and what I would order before we even got there! THEN my co-worker opened the menu and spotted a picture of the garlic cheese bread. She commented on how good it looked and said that we just HAD to try it, and she was so excited about it I just couldn't say "sorry, I'm not eating that!". PLUS, at first I thought she might just be saying it and not really planning on ordering it. But then when the waitress came over to take our drink order, she actually DID order it - and since it was just the two of us it's not like I could really NOT eat some once it came! My weight watchers leader always says that we are in control over what we put in our mouths no matter what anyone says - it is always OUR choice what we eat, even if we don't think it is. While I completely agree with that (it WAS my choice to eat that garlic bread), there are some situations that just make it extremely difficult to avoid eating something you never would have picked yourself.

While we are on the subject of restaurants, I would just like to say that in this day and age, with all the health crazes going on, I find it extremely disappointing that some chain restaurants still don't think it's necessary to make nutritional information available to the public. Now I'm not talking about the corner diner that's a one of a kind, and I'm not even suggesting that chains put the nutritional info on the menu - but if the menu is available on the company's web site - the nutritional information should too! I mentioned that as soon as I knew where we were going for lunch, I knew what I would order - this is definitely true (I ordered off the 'lighter side' menu), it makes it really difficult to count points for something when you have NO IDEA what the nutritional information is. Even though I did order from the lighter side menu, with a typical restaurant meal anywhere from 500-1500 calories - "lighter" could mean almost ANYTHING. Well I guess that's my little rant for the night.

So other than that rogue lunch I've pretty much stayed within the points I should be. I've also managed to avoid those dreaded cookies! I've gone to Subway the last 2 nights after the gym and while I haven't ordered any cookies I have gotten chips instead. HEAR ME OUT!!!! I've gotten one of those small bags of Baked Lays which only run 3pts a bag (as opposed to 10pts for the two cookies!!) That's a significant difference!! This way I feel like I'm treating myself, but in a much more points friendly manner! It's still really hard for me to say no to those cookies though because I am definitely a sweet person (vs. salty). I like chips and all, but I would MUCH MUCH rather have the cookies!

Anyway, I guess that's it for tonight. Hopefully I can keep this up over the weekend and have a decent weight loss on Monday! We'll see what happens!

Monday, April 12, 2010

So despite my wishing, the completely expected happened tonight at my weigh in - I gained weight. Despite the fact that I DID manage to finally make it to the gym on Sunday it had little effect on the non-stop eating I did the REST of the week. So, for the millionth time I am vowing to get back on track this week! No more cookies! Get my ass to the gym!! STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT! We'll see how it goes.

Speaking of the gym, I was just curious - do those of you who go to the gym regularly have specific machines that you like to use? I do. Here's the deal - the gym that I go to has a women's only section and a co-ed section. While I have no problem using the co-ed section (self-esteem wise), I don't particularly LIKE using it because I find it really loud. With all the machines it is so loud that even with my iPod at full I still can't hear it all that well. Not to mention the fact that the area where the classes are held is in the mezzanine area right above the cardio machines and it has OPEN WINDOWS (i.e. no glass) - so when there is a class going on (which seems to be every time I'm there), the music also blares out of that area and makes it even louder. To make a long story short, I prefer the women's section. Here's the thing though, the women's only side has only 2 elliptical machines and since I have bad knees and hips I prefer the smoothness of the elliptical to the pounding of the treadmill. BUT one of the two machines doesn't work very well so I like to use the other one. Over the past few weeks, whenever I go to the gym there is always this same girl there using MY machine and she always manages to get there RIGHT before me so it's not even like I only need to wait 5 minutes for her to get off of it. Seriously, no matter WHAT day of the week or time of day I go she is there, on MY machine! It's starting to really get on my nerves!

So I go to the gym on Sunday (finally!) and guess what, SHE'S ON MY MACHINE!! I decided to just suck it up and use the treadmill but I didn't want to do my usual 2.8 miles per hour walk speed because it's not really a very good workout. So what did I decide to do?? Interval walking and running!! I swear I must have lost my mind because when I hopped up on that machine I thought it would be a GREAT idea to alternate between walking and running (ok, honestly it was probably a jog) every 2 minutes for half an hour. I swear by the end of it I thought I was going to DIE!!! The worst part? When I woke up this morning I could barely move!! I had NO IDEA that running could cause so much pain!!! I thought that maybe the pounding might mean I would wake up with sore knees or hips or something but when I tried to get out of bed, everything from my waist to my neck was so sore I thought I had been hit by a car! SERIOUSLY!!! How does running make my SHOULDERS hurt? Anyway, I'm thinking of trying it again next time I go - you know, test out that old no pain, no gain theory.

Any of you runners out there please share some tips with me!! What should I be doing? Am I going to kill myself doing this? Stay tuned!

Friday, April 9, 2010


So I thought I would share with you something that I thought of today that's pretty obvious, but still important to realize about myself: I eat when I'm bored - I have noticed that when I am busy I can go a lot longer without eating than when I am not so busy. Unfortunately for me I have somewhat of a boring job which means that for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week I am sitting around with little to do. What happens is that when my mind isn't kept occupied with doing stuff, all I can think about is FOOD! And if there is any food around, it's only a matter of time before I eat it, not because I'm hungry but because I just don't know what else to do. Throughout my weight-loss journey this has been one thing that I have really struggled with. I've always heard the saying that some people eat to live and some people live to eat - well I am absolutely, without question one of those people who lives to eat. I LOVE food - I think about food all the time. Literally, while I am eating breakfast I am thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch. At lunch I'm thinking about what's for dinner, etc. etc. When all you can think about is food, it's really hard not to eat. Even when I know I'm not hungry I think about all the yummy food that's sitting in the fridge/cupboard and trying my hardest not to go eat some of it. So anyway, this is something that I'm really trying to work on but it's definitely a daily struggle (actually, it's more like an HOURLY struggle1).

STILL have not managed to make it to the gym this week - fingers crossed for tomorrow. For whatever reason I just don't seem to be in the mood for it AT ALL!

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Ok so I have been a very very bad blogger and I'm really sorry!! To be perfectly honest, I don't even really know why I haven't posted in so long, I just kept forgetting, and then after a while ... I don't even know. So I will say it again, I'M SORRY!

As evidence of my complete lack of a life, even though I haven't posted in weeks I really don't have a whole lot to talk about! Last week went well, even though I stayed exactly the same at my Monday weigh-in I'm actually quite happy with that because of Easter and all. I made it to the gym 4 times, which I'm sure helped to combat the junk food and the big Easter dinner on Sunday. I have to say that I'm quite proud of how I did over the weekend. I did have a little too much to eat at dinner but overall I managed to stay away from (almost) all of the Easter candy! I've discovered that the key to controlling my sweet tooth is to buy one (possibly larger) piece of candy/chocolate instead of buying a bag/package of smaller pieces. I am completely fine with the bag as long as it stays closed. I can literally keep a bag of candy in my room for weeks without touching it. Here's the downfall - once that bag is OPEN, I have absolutely NO control over myself. No matter where I am in the house, that open bag just calls to me, and by the end of the day it's completely gone. Therefore, I have decided that if I really really have to have something I'm going to go for the single serving instead of the package. The way I see it, spending 5 pts on a chocolate bar or candy and having it be gone is better than spending 10 pts on a whole package, 2 pts at a time over the course of the day. So that is my little revelation for the week.

THIS week, however, has been a completely different story. I don't know WHAT it is, but I can't seem to stop putting (edible) things in my mouth!! My self control seems to be taking a vacation this week! It's weird because usually I know what triggers this kind of a week - emotions, stress, "women" issues, etc., but this week has been a relatively good one in terms of those things. I've had a good week, busy, but good - not a lot of stress, but I just can't seem to stop eating!! Even when I'm not hungry all I want to do is eat! Take tonight for example - I had a good dinner, very filling and even had a little treat after dinner but by 8pm all I could think of was FOOD! I wasn't the slightest bit hungry and I knew it, but by 8:45 I gave in and had some cheese and crackers. On the plus side, I could have chosen a less healthy snack, but on the negative side, it was still extra calories I didn't need to eat, especially since I wasn't hungry to begin with.

Oh yeah, I also haven't gotten to the gym at ALL this week. Between work and evening commitments I just haven't gotten there. I plan to go at least once on the weekend (hopefully twice) but unfortunately I don't think it will be enough for me to be happy with my Monday weigh in. I'm getting a little frustrated again because I was doing pretty well with my weight but the last few weeks I seem to be back in that pattern of up/down/up/down, which means I really haven't lost anything in the last month or so.

I'm going to try and get back into my routine of tracking and going to the gym because I have a very busy spring/summer coming up and I know that if I'm not back into my routine by then, I will find it really difficult and the excuses will be plentiful. So that's the plan I guess - just keep at it.

On another note, I came across this article today for an at home workout that looked kind of interesting. It doesn't take a lot of fancy equipment - which is perfect for me since I don't live alone and therefore don't really want to have to haul a bunch of stuff into the common area to work out - I can do this in my room. I printed it out for myself at work, now I just have to make myself try it. Anyway, thought I would share it!

"The Ultimate At-Home Boot Camp"

Sunday, March 14, 2010


I can't believe I did it but this week I actually managed to avoid all Subway cookies! (And YES, I actually DID go into a Subway! 3 times to be exact!) Let me tell you it sure wasn't easy but I managed it - so now I just need to keep working on it so that eventually I don't even think about it! Ironically enough, despite the fact that I managed to completely avoid Subway cookies and ate less points than last week, according to my scale I still managed to gain half a pound. I'm hoping that today's workout session may kick start a small weight loss for tomorrow's weigh in - that or hope that my scale is off. We'll see tomorrow night I guess!

Let me tell you a little bit about one of my OTHER food obsessions now - marshmallow Peeps!! For those of you who don't know what Peeps are, they are delicious marshmallow animals (chicks, bunnies, etc.) coated with coloured sugar and they are FANTASTIC! Luckily for me they only come out around Easter because honestly I can't control myself once the package has been opened! Thankfully they are MUCH LESS destructive than the Subway cookies but still something I need to work on controlling!

So I was at the gym today when I had this thought: I have belonged to 2 different gyms and both of them (as with most) had pools. Now here's the thing. BOTH OF THEM had pools that were in GLASS ROOMS completely visible from the entrance to the gym. Why, WHY do they feel the need to do this? I love to swim but I think I have been in a pool once or twice in probably almost 10 years because I am so uncomfortable being seen in a bathing suit. Even wearing a t-shirt isn't enough to make me venture out into a pool, ESPECIALLY in front of strangers. So now WHY does the gym feel the need to put the pool on complete display? And not only does my current gym have a large glass wall between it and the entrance so that EVERYONE who even comes in to the gym has full view of the pool and anyone in it, but the OPPOSITE wall of the pool area is also glass and borders the main workout area! HALF of the treadmills in this section of the gym face the glass wall which means everyone ON those treadmills stares directly into the pool. Needless to say I won't be using the pool any time soon!

Another interesting thought I had at the gym today was about locker room nakedness (and nakedness in general). I think it's pretty obvious that I would not feel comfortable getting naked in front of other people, even in a change room. Bra and undies is the best it gets for me and even then, it's one at a time. Anyway, the thing I thought about today was that even just changing into a t-shirt and sweatpants, I am much MUCH more comfortable doing it in front of strangers than in front of people I know. I used to go to the gym with my friend all the time and even though we have known each other for years and are very close, I still wasn't comfortable changing in front of her. I would change before we went or go to the bathroom to change - any excuse not to have to do it in front of her. I got to wondering why that is? Why would I be MORE comfortable changing in front of strangers than my best friends? I think it might have something to do with judgement. I don't really care if the other people in the change room judge me because I don't know them and probably won't ever see them again anyway, so who cares if they think I'm fat? My friends on the other hand, I would always be wondering what they were thinking when the looked at me, and if they talked about me to other people. I know it's silly and I'm just being paranoid but I can't help feeling uncomfortable in that sort of a situation with friends.

So I guess that's it for today. I'll let you know how the weigh-in goes tomorrow! On a side note, I have been getting the odd comment of encouragement on my posts and I just want to say thanks - it's nice to know that people are reading this and relating to me and it's great to hear words of encouragement and understanding from others who are going through (or have gone through) similar situations. Please keep them coming!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Is that really me?

So here's the thing - I've always been overweight. I started out just a little chubby, but over the years my weight slowly crept up until I literally became obese. But even though I have always been fat (and trust me, always FELT fat), most of the time I really don't feel that bad about myself - I'd say most days my self-esteem is pretty good. When I look in the mirror, I don't LOVE what I see but I also don't hate it - and I've never thought that I LOOKED as fat as I really was. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not delusional, when I look in the mirror I definitely see a fat girl, but I never looked in the mirror and thought "wow, I look really OBESE today!". There are really only 2 times that I ever feel really horrible about myself:

1) dress shopping

I have never been a girly girl - I don't like dresses and I don't feel comfortable in them but sometimes they are unavoidable. I LOVE to shop, and while I sometimes get frustrated with sizes I usually don't feel to bad about myself. Enter dress shopping - all of a sudden I feel like the fattest, ugliest person on the planet! Case in point - my senior prom. I didn't have a date (surprise, surprise, high school boys are shallow) but I was fine with that - I was going to go with a bunch of my friends. My mom took me dress shopping and after an entire afternoon of trying on dresses I could barely fit over my ass I ended up in the washroom of the mall in tears. Needless to say I did not end up going to prom! Now that I'm older my dress shopping fears have moved on from prom dresses to brides maids dresses and let me tell you , it still sucks!!

2) photographs

This is actually the one that got me onto this topic today. I was on Facebook looking at friends profiles and I came across an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. While I was checking out her photos to see what she had been up to lately I came across an old album she had posted of our group of friends when we were younger and I almost fell out of my chair. There, in the very first picture was me - looking fatter than I EVER remember being, and I thought wow! Is that really me? That can't be me! But sadly, it was. I have never been a picture lover and always try to keep the lens pointed AWAY from me so thankfully there are not really that many photos of me out there, but the ones that do exist are NOT GOOD! I have lost a bit of weight so far (around 25lbs) so at least I can feel good about the fact that I'm not THAT fat anymore but I still hate having my picture taken. It's funny how you can look in the mirror and see one thing, but take a look at a photo and you become almost unrecognizable to yourself! I honestly didn't think I looked like that, or looked that fat, until I saw the pictures and it makes me feel HORRIBLE about myself! So needless to say I will be avoiding cameras for a little while longer!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Back on track!

So yesterday's weigh-in went really well - I figured I would lose some weight because after returning from vacation I got back into my normal routine - but 2.8lbs was more than I expected because I still managed to go WAY over my points for the week! I have to be honest though, as much as I love being on vacation it was really nice to get back into my routine. The gym was grueling since I have done very little exercise for several weeks but it felt really good to get back into it.

Speaking of "routines" - one routine that I REALLY need to work on breaking is my Subway cookie habit. I used to be really good at just passing them by, but lately I seem to have gotten into the habit of always saying yes to them and I realize that it's not necessary. This week I went to Subway 4 times and got cookies 4 times (and as embarrassed as I am to admit this - 2 times were in the same day!). What I need to do is start looking at those cookies (and all cookies for that matter) as a special TREAT - something I should indulge in once in a while (like once a month or so) instead of EVERY time. So that is one thing I am really going to work on this week.

So for those of you NON fat people reading my blog I'd like to explain a little something about jeans that we fat girls have to deal with. I have never in my life worn out a pair of jeans in the "normal" places - not in the knees or the butt - and I've never split a pair of jeans in the crotch either. But I still manage to wear out a pair of jeans within a year or so. How you ask? Well, as a fat girl my thighs rub together and THIS is where I manage to spring holes in my denim. Usually I have 2 pairs of jeans that I alternate between that are my "comfy" jeans - a little tight right out of the washer but perfect after a few hours of wear. Well during one of the last few days of vacation I went to sit in the car and the wear in one of my thighs finally gave way and split open - in the garbage they went! That essentially left me with one working pair of jeans, so when I got home I went through my closet and tried on all my jeans to find another pair to add into the rotation. I found one pair that fits pretty well but are a little bit too tight in the waist. I can get them on and done up no problem but they are a little bit uncomfortable when sitting. So guess what is NOT such a good idea when you are wearing jeans that are a little too tight? Going to the movies and drinking a large pop (for you Americans - a large soda)!! I went to see a movie that was an hour and a half long and had to get up and go to the bathroom 4 TIMES!!! That's a record even for me!! So my plan is to hopefully get out and get myself another pair of jeans!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I know, I know! I completely slacked on my updates during my vacation! But really, you can understand can't you? And to be honest, there wasn't a whole lot for me to blog about!! (that's a complete lie - the food was amazing!). But anyhow, I am home now and trying to get back into the swing of things.

So as I mentioned, the place that I stayed actually had a scale in it, which did seem to make it a little easier for me to keep on top of my weight. Now that does NOT mean that I managed to not GAIN weight - but I'm positive that I gained a lot less than I would have had a scale not been available to me. So let's get down to the numbers. I have to admit that I was a little nervous about my weigh-in today but not nearly as much as after my vacation last year. However, getting on the scale I was pleasantly surprised! I gained only 4.8lbs! Now this may seem like a lot (and I guess it really is) but that was after 3 weeks of vacation. Last year I gained over 5lbs and I was only on vacation for one week so for me - 4.8lbs after 3 weeks is a VAST improvement! AND, I definitely feel like I enjoyed myself over my holidays.

Now let me tell you a little bit about what CAUSED that weight gain. Basically the routine while I was on vacation was to eat breakfast and lunch at home and eat dinner out - pretty reasonable! AND I only went to an all you can eat buffet twice over the 3 weeks - once for dinner and once for breakfast (and let me tell you that Americans LOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEE their buffets - no offence!!). Here's the minor issue - American grocery stores are just FULL of delicious things that are not available here in Canada. And I will also admit that I bought things that I would never buy at home just because I was on vacation and wanted to treat myself (I'm talking to you cherry coffee cake, pizza rolls and cookies!!). I'm sure that "treating" led to a few of those pounds.

If you are a regular reader of my blog I'm sure you know by now that I LOVE eating out - I don't mind cooking if I KNOW what I want to eat and have all the ingredients available to me but I would MUCH rather go out and have someone make something for me! So another great thing about vacationing in another country? Many many restaurants that we do not have here!! A few of my favourites? Olive Garden, Cracker Barrel, Bob Evans and TGIF - to name a few. Oh, another good thing about vacationing in the southern US? BISCUITS!!! Now I know you can get biscuits here in Canada but you have to buy them in the grocery store and bake them yourself. Now I would never bother to do this. But THERE - every restaurant and every meal comes with delicious, buttery biscuits!!!!! YUMMY YUMMY!!!

So that is basically my vacation in a nut shell - food food and MORE FOOD!!!

Here is an interesting observation I had while on vacation!! You all know my obsession with Subway and the infamous Subway cookies - well in the US, you can choose apples as a side option! Now apples are not available here in Canada (well at least not in my part of Ontario) - if they were, it would make it a lot easier for me to say no to those cookies!! So what's so interesting?? The apples - the ones that are not available here in Ontario - according to the bag, the apples I ate down in the Southern United States were grown and packaged IN ONTARIO!! That's right - I had to go all the way across the US in order to get apples from Ontario at Subway!! ANNOYING!!!

So here is the plan for this week:

1) start tracking again (because this obviously didn't happen on vacation!!)
2) GET TO THE GYM!! There was a serious lack of physical activity these last 3 weeks!!
3) start concentrating on my water intake again

That's it for this week start back slowly!!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


So a lot has happened over the past week (again, sorry for the lack of postings!) - I made it to my vacation destination on Saturday after 2 days traveling in the car. It wasn't too bad of a trip - luckily I didn't have to drive any of it so I slept most of the time. Food was a tad challenging as there is only so much you can do when you are eating on the road.

AWESOME SURPRISE when I arrived at the place I am staying at - my bathroom has a SCALE in it! Now I know this may be a strange thing to get excited about when on vacation but I am hoping that this will help to prevent the 5lb weight gain I experienced LAST year on vacation! I weighed myself when I got here and I may have gained a little weight but it is hard to tell because I really have no idea how the scale here compares to my scale at home. The good thing though is now that I know what I weighed when I GOT here, I can weigh myself every few days to see how things are going. If the weight starts to creep up I know I need to be a little more careful about my food choices and activity.

Speaking of which ... I have to admit that I have been making some pretty lousy choices so far. I think part of it is the whole attitude of "well I'm on vacation, I'm going to do what I want!" Well that's probably not the best attitude to have so I definitely need to work on that. Another part of it is that I really love food (obviously) and there are so many great restaurants here in the US that we don't have back in Canada - so when I go out for dinner, I want to try things that I know I won't get at home - or have my favourite (high fat) dish from a restaurant we don't have in Canada because I know it could be a year before I get it again. I am definitely going to try and work on my portions - that way I can still order whatever I feel like while still having a little control over the calorie intake (wishful thinking anyway). Exercise is the other issue. So far I have done none of it (with the exception of a few wall push ups and crunches that I did in my room tonight, which I doubt helped me very much). Now I will say that I have only been here for 3 full days so it's not like I've had a lot of time so far - the weather hasn't been all that great (pretty cool most days) and it poured rain today so that pretty much eliminated swimming since I've been here. I think I just have to get into the habit of going for a long walk every day - hopefully that will help to counter-act some of the food I plan on eating! Also, I plan on doing quite a bit of shopping so that should help with the exercise a little too!

Anyway, that's the plan - let's see if I can actually stick to it! Hopefully I'll post a little more often!

Thanks for the few comments of encouragement I have received! Please keep them coming! I love to hear from you guys!

Monday, February 1, 2010


Wow, I can't believe it has been a whole week since my last post! I'm sorry for my sheer laziness! Well, it's good news for Monday's weigh-in! Despite a less than stellar week I lost 1.4lbs this week! Yay!!

So, here is a bit of info on how last week went - since I didn't bother to post! I did pretty well with most of my "non-goals" - I didn't have ANY Subway cookies all week!!!!! YAY FOR ME! Although I will admit that I went into Subway on Saturday with the full intention of getting cookies, but as fate would have it - they were OUT of them! I was more than a little disappointed, but when I left I did actually feel better about it and was glad that I didn't have any. I have also been trying to drink as much water as possible. Personally, I find this a lot easier to do during the week when I am at work. I keep a bottle of water on my desk and sip at it throughout the day, re-filling it whenever it empties. I have to do it this way because I am a person who really only drinks when I am eating. If I'm not eating, I just don't really THINK about drinking at all. So I keep the water on my desk so that it is in sight and at my fingertips. On the weekend when I'm at home though I find it a lot harder to get my water in. I always drink a bottle if I go to the gym but other than that, it might be dinner time and I realize I've only had one bottle of water to drink today. What else? I went to the gym 2x this week - it SHOULD have been at least 3 but I got extremely lazy. Tracking went to shit again this week but I will get myself back on track!

So, you may be wondering about my post title. Well here is the challenge I am ABOUT to have - VACATION. Now I know this may not SEEM like a challenge so allow me to explain. I have been doing weight-watchers for a while so last year when I went away for a week and a half I planned on going for walks and tracking and blah blah blah. Well when I got home I had gained 5LBS!!!! NOT GOOD! So this year I am going away pretty much for the entire month (I should have Internet access by the way, so I will attempt to continue posting) and I am seriously concerned about the damage I could do to myself in that amount of time if last year I managed to gain 5lbs in 1/3 of the time.

So here are the challenges this vacation is going to bring with it:

1) no gym

While this may seem like a blessing instead of a challenge, even 2x a week can make a significant impact on my weigh loss/gain, so not going at all for 3 weeks will be really tricky for me. I am going to try and walk and swim as much as possible, but I said that last year too so I guess we'll see how it goes.

2) no weight watchers meetings

Now for anyone who isn't a member of Weight Watchers, the meetings might sound really stupid. I admit that before I joined I thought that too. Even after I made the decision to join I thought I would just go in for my weekly weigh-in and leave before the meeting but I have to admit that I do find them helpful. I have a great leader I really like and I do find that I always get SOMETHING out of the meetings - whether it be a good piece of information or a great tip. I do really like my meetings. Also, I find that knowing I have to go every week and be accountable to someone (or a room full of someones) does keep me more conscious than if that wasn't there. When my meeting is cancelled one week for whatever reason, I find myself being more lax in my program and "cheating" more than I normally would because I know I don't have to go back for an extra week. I can only imagine what 3 weeks of no accountability might do! As such, I turn to you guys to keep me accountable.

3)no scale!!

Again, to many of you this may seem like no big deal - maybe some of you don't even OWN a scale. Here's the thing, I am not a closet scale freak. I do not weigh myself several times a day - or even once a day - because I know that your weight can fluctuate many times throughout the day by up to 2-3lbs so there really is no point. I DO however, weigh myself 2x a week (besides my Monday night weigh-in at WW). Once on Monday mornings - so that I know what to expect at my WW weigh-in, and once on Friday morning. I compare my Friday morning weigh-in to my Monday morning weigh-in to decide how good I need to be over the weekend. If I seem to have gone up a bit, it encourages me to make better choices over the weekend and possibly haul my ass to the gym once or twice more. On vacation I will have no access to a scale, and therefore won't have ANY IDEA how I am doing. This is really scary for me!

So that is the major challenge I face - hopefully I will be able to post on here for extra motivation.

Monday, January 25, 2010


Sorry for the delay in posting - to be honest I think I was avoiding the inevitable. I had a disappointing weigh-in - I managed to gain 2lbs this week. It's not that I'm disappointed in the weight gain, because to be honest, I thought it would be more - I'm disappointed in myself. I had an absolutely horrible and off track week and I deserved ever ounce of that weight gain - and am really disappointed in myself for letting it happen. Pretty much failed all of my goals - even the one about tracking seemed to go out the window this week. I also didn't bother to take my own advice. When my week started to turn sour instead of treating the next day like a new one, I just continued on down the wrong track. So here I sit, with yet another set back and I am trying to find the resolve to keep going. In that spirit, I am NOT going to make any personal goals for this week specifically (although I am going to work on the same ones from last week again). Instead, my "goal" is to treat each day as a fresh start - no matter how yesterday went, I am going to go into each day believing I can stay on track. Hopefully this will help to get going again. I suppose I had an ok start to my week today, I had a hamburger and fries for lunch (not the best choice I'll admit, but man was it gooooood!) BUT I went to the gym after work and when I went to Subway for dinner I managed to say NO to the cookies!!! A small victory I know but you have to focus on the small things because sometimes if you look at the big picture, you can get discouraged.

I came across another interesting article today to share with you - "52 Ways to Lose a Pound a Week". Now this isn't really a list of things that you can check off one by one because not all of them apply to everyone, but there are some really good ideas about eating and exercise that are pretty easy to incorporate into your routine - I'm sure there will be a few things that will seem relevant to you.

I was going to talk about something else tonight but it has totally escaped me right now - if I think of it I'll add it later.

Sorry for the lousy post today - I'm kinda tired so I know I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Today was a horribly frustrating food day for me. No matter what I ate, it never seemed to fill me up! It felt like all I did all day long was eat! Even now, I feel hungry even though I had a great dinner only an hour ago. I don't get it and it is very frustrating because I know I went way over my daily points trying to fill myself up. I also seemed to be extremely tired today, even though I got plenty of sleep last night. I am wondering if the two things might be related, but I don't really see how. This hasn't been the first time I've had a "bottomless pit" day, and I absolutely HATE THEM! They don't happen very often but when they do, I almost feel like I have lost all control.

I planned on going to the gym today after work - I took my gym clothes with me and everything - but when I left work I was so tired and hungry that I skipped the gym and came straight home. That also annoys me because I wanted to go to the gym, not because I like it but because I know it is good for me and I am trying to get back into the habit.

Ugh, today was a horrible day - hopefully tomorrow will be a better one!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just a Thought

I got an e-mail today that had the following quote in it and I thought I would share it because I think it's perfect for those of us trying to lose weight:

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying…"I will try again tomorrow."

~Mary Anne Radmacher

If nothing else, my (very long and continuing) weight loss journey has taught me that it is always important to just keep trying. Have a bad hour? That doesn't mean you give up on the whole day. Have a bad day? Doesn't mean you give up on the week - you get the point. I know that there have been many days where I have over-eaten or over-indulged and thought to myself, well, the whole day is blown now, I might as well eat whatever I want! This is definitely not the attitude to have. The important thing is to keep on trying - there is always tomorrow!! One setback - one too many slices of cake/pizza/cookies/etc. doesn't make you a failure - as long as you try again tomorrow. What is that old saying? Quitters never win and winners never quit - that's how I plan on approaching my weight loss journey - just keep trying and don't give up. Eventually, I know I will get there!

So now that I have gotten THAT out of my system - it appears that today is my one day for Subway cookies. BUT I did manage to drink my 6c of water AND make it to the gym, so the day wasn't a total failure.

I came across this article today and I thought it was really interesting and definitely rang true for me - portion control is definitely one of my biggest challenges. I love food. I love everything about it - the smell, the look, the taste - so I want to get as much of it as I can. As horrible as it is to admit this, there have even been times (yes, plural) where I have eaten so much that I have actually made myself sick - LITERALLY in the bathroom, over the toilet SICK. The shame and guilt I felt during those events just hammer home the point to me about the importance of proper portion control. As my WW leader always says, it's not like you are never going to have it again!! There is no need eat so much you make yourself sick. Anyway, I digress - here are the tips from the article - I hope you get something from them.

8 ways to reduce your portions

1. Wait 10 Minutes

This is one that is really hard for me. It is a scientific fact that it takes your stomach at least 10min to register it is full and relay that message to your brain. That is why it is important to stop and rest and think about whether or not you REALLY need to eat more. I have always been a fast eater, and the fact that I love food so much just makes it worse. I eat as much as I can as fast as I can and then end up stuffed. I am really working on slowing myself down and taking time to eat my meal. I try to take a serving, eat it slowly, then THINK about whether I am really hungry for more (as in actual hunger) or whether I just WANT more because it is good.

2. Leave the "clean plate" club

This one kind of ties in to #1. Just because you have x amount of food on your plate doesn't mean you need to eat that much. Listen to your body and when it says you are satisfied, push the plate away! I know this one is especially hard for some people who really don't like to waste food. Here are a couple of my own suggestions for dealing with this one. I'm sure you've heard this one before, but if you are eating out, chances are the portion you get will be at least twice as much as you need, so ask for a take out container right away and put half your meal in it. Out of sight, out of mind (I'm still working on this one myself). If you are at home, serve yourself less the first time around. If you are truly hungry after that, you can always have seconds - but overfilling your plate makes it more likely you will eat it all.

3. Never eat straight from a bag, box or carton.

Take your serving out of the container and put the rest away. Again, out of sight, out of mind. This also helps to prevent mindless snacking in front of the tv - that bag of chips can be gone in no time without you even realizing it. Instead, put the amount you want to eat in a bowl - when it's gone, your done.

4. Like big? Then go for the healthy stuff.

This is one that I have heard over and over in a variety of forms. Fill half your plate with vegetables first, then the higher fat & calorie foods on the rest of the plate. Start your meal with a large salad or bowl of soup (broth based - sorry cream doesn't count!) to avoid over eating during the main course. If you are planning on going out to a party/dinner/wedding/insert challenging event here and are afraid of the foods that will be served or being able to control yourself, eat a large salad or bowl of soup just before you leave - again, you'll be less likely to overindulge if you don't arrive starving!

5. Think small

This one talks about using smaller plates for your meals (lunch/sandwich plate instead of dinner plate). The theory behind this is that if you use a smaller plate, it automatically helps to control your portions while visually, you still see a full plate. Also included in this is opting for smaller sizes of high fat/calorie foods - e.g. small fries vs medium - junior hamburger vs. a regular one, etc.

6. Put away leftovers before eating

That way, if you want seconds, at least you'll have to actually get off your butt to get it.

7. Choose single serve

The grocery stores are FILLED with "snack packs" and single serving options. While many don't like them because of the excess packaging, they do help to control how much you eat. Basically it makes #3 irrelevant. One thing to watch with this one: some studies have shown that people tend to actually OVER eat with the single serve, 100 cal. packs because they are so convenient and accessible. Just make sure to STICK to the one package and you should be fine - just because they are only 100cals each doesn't mean you need to eat 3 of them in a sitting.

8. End with fruit

This is one that I have found to be helpful for me. I always find that after a meal I crave something sweet. Instead of turning to typical desserts that are much higher in fat (think ice cream, cookies, candy, etc.), have a piece of fruit instead. It should satisfy your sweet tooth with much fewer calories and many more nutrients. I find it best to keep things on hand so that they are ready for you. If I have to wash the grapes or cut up the pineapple, I am more likely to turn to the fast and easy chocolate bar or bowl of ice cream. If the fruit is already in the fridge and ready to go, you're more likely to take advantage of it.

Have some great portion control tricks of your own? I'd love to hear them!! Please feel free to comment - we can all use new ideas!

(**Please note: the eight portion control points are straight from the article, and the rest is a combination of their explanations and my own ideas - please no one sue me for copywright or plagarism or anything!)

That's it for today - and remember: tomorrow is another day! JUST KEEP TRYING!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


VERY VERY bad start to my week! Ok, so you're probably thinking - hey it's Tuesday - it's not the start of the week! Well for ME it is. As you know, I weigh in at WW on Monday nights - that means my WW week begins on Tuesdays. Tuesdays is the day that I get a whole new 35 weekly points to work with (on top of my daily points target). For those of you non-Weight Watchers members out there let me explain. Every Weight Watchers member has a "daily" points target (the maximum amount of points you are supposed to eat each day). This target is a personal target based on a variety of things like age, gender, weight, job, etc. On top of that, you get 35 extra "weekly" points to spend how you want (on a special dinner, to split up each day, whatever). If you don't use your weekly 35 points, you lose them - they don't carry over to the next week (as if mine last that long anyway!). So today was the day I got a fresh 35 points to use - and guess how many of them I used today?? 21!!!!! YEAH!! Not only did I eat ALL of my daily points but I managed to inhale 21 of my 35 weekly points! That means I only have 14 extra points to last me the week. NOT GOOD!

So how did I manage to do that you ask? Well lets just say this was a day of indulgence! I had my normal breakfast of peanut butter toast and had a WW cookie for my morning snack. Lunch was where things started to go bad. I went out to a local restaurant with a co-worker for lunch and even though I got a lunch sized pasta, between that and the bread it still managed to eat up almost half of my daily points. THEN, after work I went to see a movie with a friend. So that meant dinner in the mall food court and OF COURSE I had to get some popcorn for the show!! So that is how I managed to eat my way through an INSANE amount of points for one day. GREAT start to my week!

On the positive side, I definitely managed to get my 6c of water in today (and consequently spent half the day in the washroom!). The plan for tomorrow is to get to the gym and try and earn myself an extra few points for the week!!

P.S. I went to see Leap Year so check out my movie review blog here to read my review!

Monday, January 18, 2010

I give up!!

Well, I don't REALLY give up - I'm definitely still trying to lose weight. What I give up is trying to understand exactly how weight loss works (at least for me anyway!). I lost 1.6lbs this week - and I have NO IDEA how!

Lets recap with my goals for the week shall we??

1) Keep tracking

Ok well I did pretty well on this one - but like I said in my last post, WHAT I was tracking was a completely different story.

2) Stay within points target

FAIL!! I went WAY over my points for the week - which definitely adds to my lack of understanding of my pretty decent weight loss this week.

3) Gym 3 times

Pass - I managed to haul my ass to the gym 3 times this week - which MAY have helped counter-balance the failure in goal #2 a LITTLE bit - but again, not enough to account for the weight loss.

4) Subway cookies - lets just not even talk about this one.

5) Increase water consumption

This one I think I am going to void because I have to admit it was a pretty lame goal - too vague!

So, to sum it all up? I DON'T GET IT!!!

Goals for this week are going to be very similar to last weeks - only with a few slight modifications:

Keep tracking, stay within points target, gym 3 times, only get cookies at Subway ONCE this week (because obviously going cold turkey [no pun intended!] doesn't work so well for me!!), drink at least 6 cups of water each day (see me getting all specific with this one!!) hehehehe.

So there you have it - I have no idea why last week went so well when it seemed like it WASN'T going well at all - so I may as well try and keep it up this week!!

CHEAP PLUG TIME!! I am a very big reader and I also LOVE movies - so in an attempt to keep myself busy I have 2 other blogs going - one is reviews of the different books that I read and the other is movie reviews. Keep in mind they are works in progress!! I am slowly trying to add reviews to them as I see new films and read new books, while also trying to bulk them up with some older things! Please check them out and feel free to comment!!


Friday, January 15, 2010


So it is now Friday afternoon and I am SLIGHTLY worried about Monday's weigh in. It seemed that ANY willpower I had decided to go on vacation this week. So lets check in with the weekly goals shall we?

1) keep tracking - so far, so good - although WHAT I am tracking is a completely different story

2) attempt to stay within my points target - so far, NOT so good. Although I have been tracking all week, like I said, many of the things that I have been eating (and therefore tracking) have been not so good choices. What, you might ask? See #4

3) get to the gym at least 3 times - again, so far, so good. I have been to the gym twice so far this week and I am planning on going for sure on Sunday, and possibly tomorrow as well - so that will take care of THIS goal at least.

4) hehehehehe - I think they are going to have to invent a new word for FAIL after today because I did WAY MORE than fail. If you will notice, I posted those goals at 10:55am. Guess what I had for LUNCH that day?? YUP, those DAMN subway cookies just jumped into my bag (and maybe, possibly, the next night too). Ugh, I think I will have to make this a goal for next week too.

5) try and increase water consumption. Ok this is another goal that I am doing pretty well on, although I have to admit it was a pretty general goal.

So not too sure how Monday is going to go - a little scared about it - but hey, I guess there is always next week!

P.S. I HAVE 5 FOLLOWERS NOW!!! I know it's kinda lame to be so excited that only 5 people are reading my blog but YAY! Please keep reading, and commenting - and if you have any advice or topic suggestions PLEASE let me know! THANK YOU!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back ...

Well, I guess in this particular case it would be two steps forward, one step back - story of my life really. As I mentioned in my last post, I have started "tracking" again and the first week went really well. Last week, even though I managed to track every day (which is definitely an accomplishment!), I ate way more food than I should have (or needed), and did not exercise, and low and behold, at last night's weigh in I was up almost a pound and a half! Bad news: that SUCKS! - good news: if you look at both weeks together I am still down in weight, which is definitely good.

Speaking of the gym and my lack of physical activity - let me just say that my back was not at ALL happy with me going to the gym again. I woke up yesterday morning with the worst backache! I guess it's my own fault for being so lazy over the holidays!

Anyway, goals for this week:

1) keep tracking
2) attempt to stay within my points target
3) get to the gym at least 3 times (FYI, I have my gym bag with me at work today so one of those three times should be taking place tonight!)
4) avoid Subway cookies!!!
5) try and increase my water consumption (which I'm sure my bladder will not be happy with)

Stay tuned for the results!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010


So I forgot to mention yesterday that over the holidays I made it to the gym about as often as I managed to post on here (i.e. not at all). No good excuse really, just didn't want to get my lazy butt off the couch to go. In an attempt to get back into the habit I vowed to make it to the gym today (I SHOULD have gone yesterday too but again, my ass seemed to be super glued to the couch).

As much as I soooo did not want to go out into the frigid winter afternoon, I got my stuff all together and made my way down to the gym. After my warm up I started in with my weight circuit. Interesting note: regardless of how out of shape you are (and trust me, I am VERY out of shape), when you are in the habit of going to the gym a few times a week and then don't go for an extended period of time, it's amazing how your body rebels when you try and get back into it. I am not the type of person who likes to draw attention to myself (side effect of being a fat girl my whole life I'm sure). I don't like to do/say/wear things that will draw excess attention to me. Two things guaranteed to draw attention to someone: puking in the middle of the gym and/or fainting during a workout. There I was, in the middle of my weight routine when I found myself at serious risk of committing both attention drawing behaviours. In an attempt to avoid doing either of these things I slowly made my way back to the locker room where I stayed until I no longer felt the urge to puke turkey sub all over the gym floor (yes I went to Subway before the gym, and yes I gave in and got the cookies).

After I was sure that I had my stomach and it's contents under control I made my way back into the gym to try some cardio. Hopefully my next gym excursion is a little less eventful and a little more effective.

Strange thought of the week: Speaking of Subway, for all of those Subway addicts such as myself out there - Have you ever noticed that when you eat in the restaurant, when you leave, everything you had with you (clothes, hair, bag, etc.) smell like Subway? Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, it's just strange to open your gym locker after a workout and get a big whiff of bread and cheese. Anyway, just a random thought that popped into my head!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Updates Updates!

I can't believe how long it has been since my last post - no excuse for it really - just never did it. It has been a busy but yet uneventful few weeks what with Christmas and New Years.

Ok, so lets talk numbers. Over the month of December I did go up a little bit, but I have to say I had one of my most successful holiday seasons ever in terms of controlling myself and watching what I ate. I was able (for the most part) to stay away from all the holiday goodies floating around the house and office and tried to concentrate on making better food choices. Overall, I think it went pretty well! In years past I used the holiday season as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and in absolutely ridiculous amounts. Let me make one thing perfectly clear right now, I was definitely NOT PERFECT. I ate things I didn't need to eat and I had a Christmas dinner plate big enough to feed a small country, but I learned to use a little bit of self control.

New Years has never been a big deal for me. Sometimes I go out with friends to a party but just as often I stay home, and I have to admit I almost prefer staying home. I'm also not a big resolution maker either. I have made a few in the past, and usually they had something to do with weight loss, but they never lasted long. So, this year when New Years rolled around I decided NOT to make a resolution about losing weight specifically, but rather I committed to "tracking". For those of you not familiar with the whole Weight Watchers program, tracking is a very big part of it. Basically it involves writing down everything you eat and drink every day and keeping track of the "points" associated with those things. I know it sounds like a big fat pain in the ass (and it is), BUT it also works! It definitely makes you a lot more aware of what you are eating, watching your portion sizes and makes you think about whether you want to eat that granola bar because you are actually hungry or because you just feel like eating something. I find it helps to give me a bit more self control because I actually stop and think about whether I want to waste points on something when I'm not really hungry.

Anyway, to get to the point, my new years "resolution" was to start tracking again. I did it regularly when I first started WW, but gradually started slacking - thinking I didn't really need to write it down - that keeping track in my head was good enough. It wasn't. I started tracking again on Dec. 29 and haven't missed a day yet. I have to say it definitely paid off. After one week of tracking I lost 2.4lbs! I weigh in again on Monday and while I hope to have lost more weight I am not expecting nearly that big of a loss because even though I have tracked everything, I have gone over my points for the week (i.e. eaten more than I needed to) so we'll see how it goes.

I guess that's it for today, I promise to try and post more frequently from now on!